There’s always that one fictional character that you have such a complicated relationship with because you love them but you also know that if they were real you’d punch them in the face at least once a day
- You are always thinking of insane jobs for yourself that you never follow through on.
- Conversations with other people repeat in your head for days after you have them.
- Conversations with other people repeat in your head for days before you have them.
- Conversations with other people repeat in your head for days and then you do not have them because you think you already did.*
- You get so worked up about your imaginary conversations with people before you have them or after that you eventually have fictional emotions on which you make badly chosen life decisions.
- You like messing with people, a little or a lot—seeing what you can get them to believe.
- And yet you also will believe just about anything someone tells you.**
- You are capable of a near-autistic level of focus on imagined scenes in your head that you may not even be aware are playing out in your head, until someone speaks to you and by the time you tune in, you realize they’ve been speaking for a little longer than you’ve been listening.
- Other people randomly confess their secrets to you without warning or provocation, but you do not stop them.
- You create elaborate disaster fantasies that you project onto your life.
- You are devoted to unrequited loves like it is your job.
- You find yourself in situations where you think “I should probably leave”, and then you think “but if I stay five more minutes I might see something really crazy or amazing happen.”
- Five minutes later, if you survived, you have the same bargain with yourself, and so on, and so on.
The leading sign, of course, is that you have ideas for short stories or novels.
If this sounds like you, consider trying to write a short story or a novel.
Updated, with thanks to *Rabih Almeddine and **Thiago Baraldi.
“are you a boy or a gi-” you’re unable to finish the sentence because I have eaten you. I’m a shark
because a very long time ago, when i was about 10 or 11, i watched this evil movie called anastasia and i’ve been feeling things for them since then
but seriously i just love tragedy so much. and the fact that this happened in history, that it actually happened, is so staggering to me. like, french revolution, war in general—i mean don’t get me wrong i won’t condone inhuman behavior towards your fellow man but these are major chunks of human history. future generations have been built on bloodshed, and humanity driven to extremes, oh my god, my mind is so warped by it.
because the romanovs are, by the turn of the century, the long-standing royal family of imperial russia. by the time of nicholas ii, anastasia’s dad, they were at the brink of the first world war. and nicholas ii was an ineffectual emperor in that he’s very detached from the plight of the people. he kept at the war until russia was crumbling with famine and widespread poverty. then monarchy gets a bump off the marxist ladder along the vein of what happened in the french revolution and at first it was alright, nicholas gave up his rights as absolute sovereign and government was able to lead and all that.
but of course nicholas was going to be persecuted for his crimes against the russian people, so they were under house arrest for a while, they weren’t allowed to lead just covert lives and be exiled somewhere. THEN THEY WERE MASSACRED. BURIED IN UNMARKED GRAVES.
CAN YOU IMAGINE THE GRAVITY OF THAT? A HEAD OF STATE. MASSACRED. HIS ENTIRE FAMILY. MASSACRED. HE WHOSE FACE IS ON YOUR CURRENCY. HE WHOSE PALACES ARE ALL OVER RUSSIA. WHOSE NAME HAS BEEN ON THREE HUNDRED YEARS OF YOUR HISTORY.
THEN HE GETS MASSACRED. IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT. THEIR BODIES BURNED AND BURIED IN UNMARKED GRAVES.
it’s just so fucking fascinating to me, really, like no amount of fiction can live up to reality. to history. and everything that went on behind the “facts” and “figures” we see in our books. history’s dirtier, filthier, and even more underhanded than any sort of archetypal embodiment of “good and evil” we see in literature because these are extents by which humanity things is necessary, at the time, to survive. perhaps not in the fundamental sense but, say, politically.
because how fucking vast is your domain when you have a position in government. imagine yourself as a member of a class. you can choose to be friends with certain people and alienate others. you can be a bully; you can be the underdog; you can be the overachiever; you can cheat from the smartest guy; or you can be the smartest guy and let other people cheat from you. imagine that whole classroom scenario and the powerplay between your classmates and yourself and how both toxic and glorious it can be, how unfair it is sometimes, how your teacher is a giant dick, or how your seatmate is a jerkface—imagine all of that going on in the vast context of the entire world. but instead of bothersome classmates, you’ve got countries with the amassed resources of land and weapons and wealth. because world politics is just a macro version of what goes on in an individual’s life on a day to day basis. objectivity is an ideal; justice is an ideal; because we are all human and born with inherent prejudices, even though they’re not entirely social prejudices but they can be personal preferences, and our government is run by humans no better or worse than we are—everything is inherently flawed. inherently vile and vulgar and desperate.
and i just love history so much
”please ask a member of staff for details”